


never let him see the damage

by The_Doctors_Song



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Angst, Episode: s07e05 The Angels Take Manhattan, I Don't Even Know
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-17
Updated: 2013-01-17
Packaged: 2017-11-25 20:29:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/642667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Doctors_Song/pseuds/The_Doctors_Song
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Because The Doctor was right - They were her parents.</p>
            </blockquote>





	never let him see the damage

**Author's Note:**

> So this came from me wanting to write some angst, and this was the best I could come up with.

" _I'm sorry River._ " The Doctor looked up at her, his hands still clasped in front of him as he leant over, sitting on the steps while she prepared the TARDIS. " _They were your parents_."

River looked up, leaning over slightly, and it took everything in her not to break. They still were her parents - nothing would change that. She knew this day would come. The day she outlived them. It was inevitable, she didn't age like normal humans did - because she wasn't normal, nor was she human. Not completely. But she'd thought - she'd hoped at least - she'd have more time. 

She hadn't realized she'd been speaking until she was striding past the Doctor and running up the stairs, sending him away. Why? She knew it was to help him - to give him her mother's last words. But deep down she knew it was more than that - she needed time to herself - time to grieve. If she couldn't have time with her parents - she'd have time by herself. She was determined for that at least. 

She turned one of the many corners, her hand over her chest and resting above her heart. She closed her eyes, willing the thumping beats to just be  _quiet_! River shook her head, stepping back until she hit the wall and bent over, taking deep slow breaths. The walls hummed behind her, and a shiver ran up her spine. She felt lighter, as if a comforting hand was rubbing her back soothingly. She supposed this was the TARDIS' equivalent. She smiled sadly, opening her eyes and looking upwards. " _Thank you darling_ " she whispered, standing straight and lifting her hand from her chest; turning to press it against the wall as her head fell forward. " _They're gone_."

Another soothing hum, and River finally let a tear slip passed her barriers. " _I know darling, I know._ " She took a shuddering breath, sniffling slightly and looking up at the ceiling of the TARDIS. She hadn't told the Doctor - about being about to communicate with 'Sexy'. She couldn't speak directly to her, no it wasn't like that. But the TARDIS did things, made movements or noises, and she just knew what she was trying to say. And she'd never been more glad for that than in this moment right now. 

The TARDIS was right, of course. She could still see them. Maybe an earlier version, but it was different for her than it was for The Doctor. She wouldn't be crossing her own time stream. Not really. But it'd be so painful - to see them and know they wouldn't be there long. 

River frowned, stepping away from the wall and looking over her shoulder, glancing around the corridor. Who's to say she couldn't still see her parents? The ones who'd - who'd just  _disappeared_? New York, 1969. It was dangerous for the TARDIS to appear there now. But she could still get inside. Surely. Maybe? Sighing, River wiped her cheek and fluffed her hair.  _Never let him see the damage_. That's what she'd said. And it applied now even more than it had before - in the hotel. " _How do I look love?_ " She asked, a warm hum greeting her and she sighed. " _Yeah - I thought so_." She tilted her head, moving through the corridors with her fingers trailing along the walls. She needed the comfort - if she was going to give the Doctor some, she needed her own. Reaching the stairs, she took a deep breath before trotting down the stairs as the TARDIS' doors open. " _So - where to sweetie?_ "


End file.
